2015 Christmas Countdown Starring Divine

I better get them cha-cha heels this Christmas!

It wouldn't be the holiday season without this sequence from John Waters' Female Trouble starring Divine as Dawn Davenport.

"Not on Christmas, not on Christmas!"

"Nice girls don't wear cha-cha heels!"

Happy holidays!

Happy Birthday, Divine! A Remembrance

Divine in perhaps his most famous role, as Dawn Davenport, in "Female Trouble"

I remember having breakfast in Earl's Court, London, while on vacation in '88. The radio was playing pop tunes that went with the glitter-painted walls on that sunny March morning, and then the news interrupted. It was announced that Divine had died.

It was only weeks before when I saw John Waters with Harris Glenn Milstead (Divine) on the red carpet at Greenwich Village's Waverly Theater for the premiere of "Hairspray." Milstead had eschewed being in drag as his famed alter ego.

I had an even closer encounter with Divine, in front of the old Bleecker Street Theater in New York. Divine was milling about in front of the old movie house, on the theater's pillared portico, in full drag. She was with a gaggle of men, holding court, and I stood across the way with a friend of mine, watching her and conversing, waiting for the doors to open for the night's showing of "Pink Flamingos," amongst a small sea of moviegoers. Suddenly, Divine broke from her group, stalked directly over to my friend and I, and said hello, towering over me in stillettos. (Milstead was 6'2" without the heels; I'm 5'5".)

So, there we were, and I was very flattered to have the larger-than-life "underground" movie star begin pawing my chest and lavishing attention on me with trademark, camp eye and lip gestures I couldn't take seriously. I was young then, and in tight blue jeans and a black shirt boasting pink flamingos across my chest. A fan of Divine's since I saw "Pink Flamingos" when it debuted in NYC at the Elgin Theater in Chelsea, I chatted it up, even though starstruck. It was a lively conversation, though I don't recall what was said. I do remember laughing a lot.

Divine with Andy Warhol at Studio 54

The doors opened, we went inside, and Divine was escorted away as she was about to take to the stage to intro the film and do a q&a with the audience afterwards. It all remains a memorable event in my life, this brush (literally) with celebrity.

So, cheers! Happy Birthday, Divine, for all the joy you brought us through your films and dance music. And for that brief but thrilling encounter on Bleecker Street that I'll never forget. Wikipedia labels Divine a cult figure; I consider Divine a superstar.

The New Moviegoing Experience, USA 2012

The shit has hit the fans! This morning, I learned of the tragic shooting spree that occurred during a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises in Colorado. It left 12 moviegoers dead and at least 50 wounded. I know the studio releasing that film wanted to make a killing but I'm not sure this is what they had in mind! I mean, God bless the couch potatoes who sit on their fat, flabby asses, waiting for everything to come out on DVD and Blu-ray. And pass the bowl of buttered popcorn with the M&Ms mixed in because these people may have discovered the secret to longevity if acting out ultra-violent impulses is to be a trend at multiplexes in America.

From now on, when you tell people you just saw a movie that's to die for, Dark Knight Rises may be the first thing that comes to their minds!

What happened in Colorado may be the kind of sensational publicity one just can't buy, or it may backfire and scare people away. France cancelled the film's premiere in their country, for example. Zut alors!

The psycho killer, 24-year-old James Holmes, believed himself to be Batman's nemesis, The Joker.  Ray Kelly, the commissioner of NYPD, commented “It clearly looks like [Holmes is] a deranged individual" Love that Kelly; he is so astute! Crazy as it is, there's motivation to the madness, I guess; the "Joker" wants to destroy Batfans. Honestly, I thought, at first, this might have been a new form of extreme film criticism or that someone was trying to reinvent Sensurround!

Apparently, Joker Holmes left his bombing devices at holmes... uh, I mean home. He only brought his tear gas and guns to the movie. Holy disorganization, Batman! And to think I felt guilty for smuggling bottled water into the Chelsea Clearview!

"Who wants to die for Art?" Divine shouts from the stage in John Waters' Female Trouble. "I do!" cries a fan, and Divine shoots him, then fires into the fleeing audience. Life imitates art (and, especially, John Waters) once again.

The nihilistic violence and darkness of the latest Batman reboot, with Christian Bale in the title role, may have helped create this new movie's deranged karma last night. Did anyone ever get shot watching Adam West as Batman on tv? I rest my case.

What may have seemed, to a modern crowd, to be the ultimate 3-D action experience soon turned into a nightmare for moviegoers in that Aurora, Colorado cineplex. I studied at University of Colorado in Boulder (or at least I matriculated and graduated) at the foothills of the Rockies and I remember it only as a peaceable place. So, then I wonder what they put in the cans of Coors in burgs like Aurora and Columbine.

When Sparkle opens in Manhattan this August, with Whitney and Jordan Sparks, will some gay maniac burst into the theater and throw jars of Boy Butter at everyone's heads? Screaming fans fleeing as the smoke machine and disco lights obscure their views of the exits? And the soundtrack to the original version of the film blasting on the gayniac's boombox?

NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg chastised both President Obama and Mittzi Romney for their platitudes without the solutions to the problems of violence in America and, especially, as regards the issue of gun control. Bloomberg has been very active regarding gun control in New York. And the City is safer for it. We don't worry much any more about being held up at gunpoint. We just never know when someone's going to fly a 747 into a skyscraper.

But, thanggod for NYC gun control because there's no shortage of pissed off New Yorkers, honey! Why, some days, if I had an uzi, I'd use-y in the mor-or-ning, I'd use-y in the eeeev'nin', all over this land.... But I don't pack heat. Well, at least, not a gun!

It was a weird week at the cinema generally, though. Fred Willard was caught with his pants down (literally) in the tacky Tiki XXX-rated movie theater in L.A. on Wednesday evening and arrested for "lewd conduct." Hey, it was a hot night! I cannot compete with The Huffington Post's account of this, however:

"[Willard] was spotted by authorities with his 'penis exposed and in his hand.' The 72-year-old 'Anchorman' actor was arrested at 8:45 p.m.and released from police custody not long after.... Willard isn't the first -- and certainly won't be the last -- celebrity to be caught in this kind of sticky situation.

"In 1995, Hugh Grant was arrested for 'lewd conduct' after picking up a prostitute on Hollywood's Sunset Blvd. and driving a short distance before authorities caught them in 'the act.'

"Three years later, George Michael was arrested in a Beverly Hills public bathroom after an officer 'observed Mr. Michael engaged in a lewd act.'"

May I, Dj Buddy Beaverhausen, be the first to suggest these guys form a support group and invite Pee Wee Herman, too?  Huffington's writer of this... errr... piece, Kiki Von Glinow (no shit!), ends her article thusly: "Perhaps not so ironically, Willard's next project is said to be the forthcoming flick 'The Yank.'"

I hate to think of Willard as a dirty old man, but a hand jive at the movies is better than a handgun! Don't you think? Let's all have a Kiki (von Glinow) on that remark!

Music video below:

Female Trouble - Christmas at the Davenports

More on difficult family-interrelationships during Christmas season with this beloved moment from John Water's Female Trouble. Gave a whole new meaning to the words "cha-cha heels." It stars the late, great Divine, and it ain't "It's a Wonderful Life," that's for sure.

Mixmas Season

Above, the heavenly centerpiece of the graphics on my new dj-promo-only Christmas cd, entitled "Hark!" As one who strives not to take the Christ out of Christmas, please note that my angel is wearing a crucifix (on what appears to be rosary beads, but don't email the Pope to report someone wearing a holy item as fashion accessory; remember the heat Madonna took over it).

I tried especially hard this year to present a mix of songs that would indeed provide much needed holiday cheer, and all set to a dance beat. To that end, I've included Britney Spears' now-ironic "Santa, Can You Hear Me", a loungey dance-mix of Kay Starr's classic "Waiting for the Man with the Bag" (I do hope she's referring to Santa!), plus the spanking new Marius de Vries remix of the Pet Shop Boys' grammatically correct "It Doesn't Often Snow at Christmas."

There's a Hanukah rap number as well, and two of the 17 tracks are devoted to your New Year's Eve party (the original ballad version of ABBA's "Happy New Year" and Pepper Mashay's splendid disco version of "Here's to Life," the final toast on this promo mix). I've also included one of my very own creations: my Cha Cha Heels mix of "Not on Christmas," a disco extravaganza looping dialogue from the famous Christmas sequence from John Waters' film, "Female Trouble," starring Divine. I find it heartwarming.

I've been dedicating my time lately to transforming dialogue and songs from classic movies into dance tunes. It's a bit time-consuming and tedious to get the desired effect but very gratifying when I finally get it right. My wish for the new year is to create enough of these mixes for an entire promo cd. Maybe I should call it something like "Buddy Beaverhausen Goes to Chelsea Movie Classics," in honor of the long-running Thursday Night series at Clearview's Chelsea Cinema. ("Where dreams come true," as host Hedda Lettuce is wont to frequently remind us.) However, that title may prove too limiting if I also decide to go with non-movie dialogue and Broadway show tunes as well.

So far, I've mixed "I'll Plant My Own Tree," Judy Garland's original but deleted recording (she was booted off the set) from "Valley of the Dolls", and "The Bodega Bay School." ("Mast Attack" remix (not a typo; listen to Brit character actress Ethel Griffies recite her line.)) The latter is a mix based on dialogue from the diner sequence from Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds." Anyhow, these should surface sometime soon in my promo club mixes, so beware.

Just in time for the holidays, I found a new supplier of rare and fabulous remixes, in the UK. Pointer Sisters "Happiness," The Byrds "Mr Tambourine Man," The Beatles "We Can Work It Out," Dolly "Jolene," Frankie Valli "Grease" and even "Climb Every Mountain" by Peggy Wood, Junior Vasquez mix. No song of any era is off limits, and I hope to be including at least some of these remixes in my sets and on my promos in 2010.

And this from Edge New York, in Kevin Scott Hall's "Kevin on Kabaret" column on December 2:

"Rare delights

Meanwhile, for something completely different, if you can get your hands on DJ Buddy Beaverhausen’s promo Hark!, snap it up!

He always finds rare delights such as "Christmas Tree" by Lady Gaga, a new Pet Shop Boys holiday treat, or a Madonna/Gwen Stafani mash-up. You’ll definitely be dancing to something called "Please, Please Santa" by Bo & Monica. And we all need a little "Hanukah Homeboy" by Doc Mo She, right?

Best of all is an original mix called "Not on Christmas", dialogue culled from John Waters’ "Female Trouble" set to a club groove. Hilarious! . . ."