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Monday, October 3, 2011

War of the Poses

Buddy B's got a lot of drama goin' down these days but I promise to turn it bitterly comic. Allow me, please, then, to vent about my professional head shots if you will. On Monday, September 12, I had a very chic photo shoot in the Meatpacking District. Snap, snap, snap! Different backgrounds, shirts, sunglasses. Smile, werq it!, turn, look happy, look surprised and other commands I endeavored to live up to. I must say, as a result, I appreciate models more (faint praise). Looking happy on demand is hard frigging work, babies, take it from me!

My make-up was done by my wonderful cosmetician friend, Jade DaRu. At the time, she was known as Jade El-something-or-other, married to Mr El, who was my photographer. Mr El had just received kudos for work on an indy film and was about to go back to Egypt to do cinematography for a film starring a leading icon of cinema there. Sounds spicey, right? Brilliant, up-and-coming film-school photographer doing shots of me, me, me; then off to Egypt! Very international, very cool.

Now, Jade and her Mr were already in the midst of a civil divorce. While I noted Mr had a rather condescending tone toward my dear friend (which I endured as a cultural issue), he was nice enough toward me (the client) during the snaps. His direction was superlative, I will say, as was his attention to detail. He lavished almost three hours and over 200 shots on my dj shoot.

I asked for Mr El's fee before we did the session and he waived it in light of favors I'd previously done. (Not those kinds of favors, you with the filthy minds!) I took him and my friend, Jade, to dinner instead, at a nice restaurant; good food, fine wine, sumptuous dessert, we all concurred. Toasts, good feelings and congratulations rang out in the garden dining next to the pond of giant goldfish and turtles, and under the strings of lights. Happy, happy, happy!

Then, Mr El turned the divorce into something nasty. He insisted my friend immediately stop using her married name. She complied. Things proceeded in an ugly manner. Jade reminded her ex about delivering the disc of cropped photos before leaving for Egypt. His reply? They were "free" and I didn't pay him; therefore, I was lucky if I ever got them!

Blood boiling, I nonetheless sent Mr El a politely worded email. No response to date.

Friends ask me what ever happened to the shots from this shoot. Why are the disco balls and Mommie Dearest still Bogarting my face space? Maybe the three of us (Mr El, Jade DaRu and I) need to go on court television. We could all use the publicity, frankly. But not Judge Judy, please! The much lovelier and less snarky Marilyn Milian of People's Court. (By the way, I passed ex-People's Court judge, Ed Koch, over the weekend. He is now stooped over, a bit frail-looking and was talking to himself (no, absolutely not conversing on Bluetooth)! "How'm I doin'?" I reserve judgement.

People, what's your verdict re: my photo shoot?


  1. Nobody gives me big laughs like you, dj! For a sec, I though Judge Milian was giving Mr. El the finger, just as he deserves. As for Ed Koch, he has overstayed his welcome as a commentator on politics. 'Nuff said.

  2. LOL on Milian's finger. But I thought that too on 1st view.