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Friday, December 23, 2011

Punch Drunks

So, you're at a bar with your bf and you're both wasted. Things get tense between you. You get in a twist and an ugly scene ensues for everyone else's entertainment. Been there, done that. Things turn violent, fisticuffs ensue, your beauty-queen/fag-hag accidently gets slapped in her obnoxiously pretty, little face. And you're all celebrating Christmas together! Err,... no, haven't gone there exactly! Ah, those wild and crazy gay rock stars with the mascara and Biba black fingernails! In this case, I'm referring to Adam Lambert, if you happen to be reading this and are already brain dead.

The former American Idol runner-up was arrested and jailed in Helsinki after beating up his hunky honeybunch, Finnish Big Brother "star," Sauli Koskinen. When Finns get finicky, all Valhalla can break loose, believe you me! Now, Adam's a big girl, even without the bouffant for extra height. I certainly wouldn't want him laying his mitts on me! (Well, only if he intended an act of love, not war, of course.)

This all happened at the gay bar, DTM (Dont Tell Mama) in beautiful downtown Helsinki. Well, baby dolls, you didn't have to tell Mama cuz Mama heard everything herself; saw this melee with her own two eyes. Never mind Big Brother; Big Mama was watching you and obviously didn't find your little cat fight the least bit charming. In fact, you and your beau were ingraciously 86'd from the bar and continued your knock-down/drag out in the streets just outside. (Ever hear the motto, "Quit while you're ahead?")

None other than ex-Miss Helsinki herself, Sofia Ruusila (the previously mentioned fag-hag), tried to stop the fight by getting between the boys but, alas, was "accidentally" slapped silly by Miss Lambert. Why am I seeing a tiara flying off her head at the moment of impact?

Authorities were called as it was Queen Kong vs. Koskzilla in their now-public donnybrook, and all Helsinki trembled in fear. The couple was busted. Don't you hate it when domestic violence goes bad? I mean, keep it in the bedroom where it belongs.

Hollywood Reporter reported: According to Petri Juvonen, who is heading up the police investigation into the event, Lambert and Koskinen were arrested at around 4 a.m. Thursday morning.... Both men [Hollywood Reporter's term] are being held for questioning as local police investigate a total of four possible assault offenses. Juvonen tells the Hollywood Reporter that the two would likely be released after being interrogated.

But today, Miss Lambert Tweeted: Jetlag+Vodka=blackout. Us÷blackout=irrational confusion. jail+guilt+press=lesson learned.Sauli+Adam+hangover burgers= laughing bout it. :)

Aw, isn't that cute? Makes you all warm and fuzzy. I'm just enchanted, I tell you, envisioning Sauli with his black eye, and Adam with the scratch marks down his face, sharing burgers and a good giggle over that silly little hissy fit. Ah, when queens collide! (Wait till they sober up!)

Merry Christmas, then, dahlings, in the USA, in Finland and in the rest of the world! Peace on Earth and good will towards men! And beauty queens, too.


  1. Lovely Xmas story, Beaverhausen. Cheers!

  2. Yeah, cheers, thanks alot.