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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Madonna Makes Scents

I'm not one in favor of natural odors. In fact, I'm not crazy about natural anything! Artifice is always better, always an improvement. If you've ever had an armpit in your face, summer in the subway, I'm sure you agree that man-made scents and applications are the way to go.

So it's eau de colognes, eau de parfums, eau de toilettes, eau babies!

Everyone rich and famous has a scent on the market nowadays, it seems. The Yankees have one! Well, it's no wonder. You know how men's locker rooms can get! (I wouldn't mind seeing Derek Jeter in a towel, but that doesn't mean I'd want to get a whiff of him hot, sweaty, stinking after a game! Or..., hmm, wait a minute here...!)

The Yankees have scents for men and women, and bath and beauty products, which they sell online on their website. So the team understands the need to smell good and exploits it to the general public in their concern for the fight against plebian body odors. Never let them smell you sweat.

Madonna, who will be appearing tonight, 7 pm, at Macy's in Herald Square, will kick off her new scent, Truth or Dare, for all the b.o.-challenged masses.

I fear old girl may be wearing out her welcome through overexposure recently. Gravely concerned since Billboard reported: "This week, Madonna's "MDNA" earns the distinction of the largest second-week percentage sales drop for a No. 1-debuting album since Nielsen SoundScan began tracking sales in 1991. The album slides from No. 1 to No. 8 on the Billboard 200 with a 86.7% sales decline (falling from 359,000 to 48,000 according to SoundScan)."

Rumor has it that tomorrow's new Billboard dance chart will, however, find Madge in the number one spot with "Girls Gone Wild" (largely lifted by her gay fans, I suspect).

The superstar's Super Bowl appearance was a true tour de force that lifted her back to the tippy-top of public attention and re-elevated her fame. Then, there was that flop movie she directed around the same time. MDNA, her album, arrived in the wake of "Give Me All Your Luvin'," the single that topped the dance charts and blazed her way back in the wake of Super Bowl.

But Madonna, busy with rehearsals for her upcoming (and, frankly, overpriced) tour, has not made much time to plug her album on the tv-and-radio circuit. She has had time to hawk her new perfume at Macy's and even do a video for same. See what I mean about "over-saturation"? Like drowning in too much perfume.

Now, can you seriously imagine Madonna shopping at Macy's? Puh-leeze! But she sure does like to sell there. Remember the Lourdes line launched in 2010 for juniors?

I think Madge would sell lots more perfume if she showed up at Duane Reed and sold it there, but not at 55 bucks for a 1.7 oz. bottle, honeys!

Tweeted Kathy Griffin: "Just pre-ordered Madonna’s Truth or Dare perfume. Can’t wait 2 smell like fake accents & hormone replacement therapy!"

The Huffington Post pondered if all this perfume business meant Madonna has too much time on her hands.

They later added: "We had a good laugh a few months ago when Madonna introduced her new "Truth Or Dare" fragrance with this confusing description:

"'Truth: Duality. Sin is my twin. Contradictions push and pull.
Dare: To expose what lies beneath. Infinite possibility.
In this tension, we find our true selves.'

"Um, OK. We weren't sure what Madonna was getting at, but now that we've seen the fragrance's new TV commercial, it's pretty clear what "exposing what lies beneath" meant." (TV ad appears below.)

Above is the print ad for Truth or Dare: the Scent. I don't know how much truth there is in the hype compared to the dare. Posing in front of a bottle that looks as if it might contain holy water, missy virtually makes love to herself in a mirror. Narcissism is such a stretch for her! Note the images are not exactly alike. Gasp! She's so edgy!

Macy's touts: "Truth or Dare by Madonna is a contemporary and sexy reinvention of a classic, robust signature white floral. The unique blend of narcotic florals, balanced with addictive woods and vanilla, create a scent that is timeless yet modern, simultaneously dark and light. The addition of gourmand notes such as Vanilla and Caramelized Amber makes the fragrance stand out from traditional floral fragrances and gives it a contemporary edge. Experience the opulent and sensual scent of Truth or Dare by Madonna with the new fragrance collection for women."

Shouldn't they have thrown pheromones in for good measure? (It's "addictive... narcotic." Get it? Maybe you can snort it or shoot it up!)

As for my personal tastes in "scents," I gravitate toward the powdery and soapy. I eschew the woodsy, floral (I hate men who smell like a lawn), piney (Attack of the Pine-Sol People), spicy, musty and the vanilla-y.

Sorry, Madonna, I shpritzed a 14th St. knockoff on my wrist today and it made me gag.

But I do love my Gravity cologne (by Coty). 1 oz. bottle at Duane Reed for just a little over $12. Hey, what ever happened to Aramis?

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