My Top Five Most Fabulous Men at the 84th Annual Oscars

I enjoyed watching the Oscars this year, though it went by at perhaps too much of an officious clip. I mean, my God, signaling poor Octavia Spencer to get her acceptance speech over with when the actress' win commanded a standing O and she was in tears as she spoke from the heart!

Then there was Jennifer Lopez, in a gown so low-cut and revealing, many swear there was a wardobe malfunction as a nipple peeked out at the audience. J-Lo appeared as co-presenter with Cameron Diaz,

and the two decided to show off their big bubble butts in an embarrassing ain't-we-hot, bimbohood-is-powerful moment. (Obviously, the Academy has time for this butt not for Octavia Spencer's acceptance. And I'm so sure Octavia's ass is bigger than either of these broad's; maybe bigger than both!)

This display was not, however, quite as embarrassing as presenter Angelina Jolie's on-stage moment. The Stepford stick-figure audaciously struck a pose as soon as she stepped up to the mike, and worked the slit in her gown, thrusting out her gam with a smug, knowing, Crawfordesque look pasted on her gaunt face as she did so. Thing is, she had worn out this delusional screen-goddess pose on the red carpet, earlier, and it was already so the opposite of sexy. One of the writers who accepted the award from Ms Jolie actually mocked her, impersonating her stance.

Jolie topped the hits on Oscar-related topics on the Internet overnight, but not in a positive way.

But let's move on to the men, shall we, as there was plenty of eye candy on hand. Pitt and Clooney were still looking good, though they don't figure into my top five. Perhaps my tastes are a bit specialized and not for everyone, though they're certainly not so esoteric and kinky as to include that frog (Billy Crystal I mean, not Kermit, though I don't include him either).

First, for me, was Tim Gunn, interviewing stars on the red carpet.

I think I developed a crush on this fashionista when I saw him, in person, at Parson's School of Design auditorium, introducing a screening of the wonderful Funny Face, starring Audrey Hepburn, Fred Astaire and Kay Thompson.

When Gunn said this was one of his absolute faves, along with Mommie Dearest and What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, I wanted to sleep with him. Ok, my friend, Kevin, may have mocked the way-gay way Tim speaks, but I find it adorable. Plus, he's kind of tall and age appropriate. Tim, have your people call my people!

Colin Firth -- well, what more can I say? Not only is this man a brilliant actor who has played gay numerous times (A Single Man, Mama Mia, Another Country, Apartment Zero, amongst others), he's handsome, 6'2" and owns that bloody mahvelous British accent. As he won the Oscar for The King's Speech last year, he was the presenter for Best Actress, winning my heart once more with his funny lines about being Meryl Streep's gay ex-lover in Mama Mia.

My Week with Marilyn nominee Kenneth Branagh, Belfast-born Shakespearean actor of stage and screen, is also a longtime heartthrob of mine, good to glimpse him briefly in the audience. But Best Actor winner for Best Picture, The Actor, Jean Dujardin (doesn't that mean John of the Garden? (Garden of Earthly Delights, perhaps?)), thrilled me onstage at the Oscars with his handsome good looks and a killer smile. He just stole my heart with his effortless Continental sexiness. Here's a picture I found of him in Lost in Rio:

Oo la la!

Rounding out my Top 5 Oscar Men is Mexican thespian Demian Bichir, nominated for Best Actor for his performance in the film, A Better Life.

Total novice to me, but as soon as I saw him on the pre-show red carpet, this hot latino absolutely had my attention. And a piece of my heart. Eres muy sexy, Demi, bebe! Besame mucho, big boy!

Well, there you have it once again, more on the secret Men fantasy file of my mind. Let me know what you think. I'm sure there will be new, post-Oscar entries to add. So, cheers, until next time! Cultivate your dreams.