"Cher Sex Cult Horror!"

While we wait for her new album, single (duet with Lady Gaga) and tour, Cher positively explodes onto the most recent cover of National Enquirer.  This rag is a Tea Party favorite, I'm sure, absolutely hostile to the idea of fact checkers. The ethos of the Tea Party is, indeed, partly inspired by this gossip-ridden, sensationalistic, American supermarket tabloid that has been around since 1926.

Since the Enquirer pays its sources (a no-no for legitimate press), you can be sure it's full of half-truths, quasi-truths and blatant lies. Once in a while, however, a gossipy little article will, after some fact-checking, end up as news, even appearing on the pages of The New York Times.

The latest cover has, as its banner headline: "Jessica Simpson's Dad Confesses He's Gay!" (Honeys, that asshole's been on my gaydar so long, he's past his expiration date!) "Pastor Joe has a boy toy half his age! Jess and Ashlee devastated! Mom files for DIVORCE!" (Duh!) Well, you can skip that article because the headline punches across every point to be made regarding that drama.

The Cher cover story is the main one, just beneath the logo. "CHER SEX CULT SCANDAL!" screams the headline for this one, next to an unflattering image of the star. Subheads add: "HER AGONY -- what she's hiding from fans" and "Torture! Brainwashing! Abuse!" and "Shocking Secrets Ripping Her Family Apart."

I bought the paper and went directly to the Cher article, licking my lips, only to find the front-page headlines had thoroughly misrepresented the story. Turns out that Cher's son, Elijah, is dating a young woman whose parents once belonged to a free-love cult. That's the Cher Sex Cult Scandal, everybody! Go home, show's over. "Cher's world is collapsing around her!" blares the first sentence of "Cher Sex Cult Horror!" Somehow, I seriously doubt that.

What I found far more interesting and believable was the article on the opposite page. "Streisand Success Has Liza Singing the Blues." Now this is a reason to buy the Enquirer.  After all, enquiring minds want to know!