Jodie Foster: In & Out

Let's have a Kiki. Von Glinow of The Huffington Post, as it turns out, who wrote in that e-paper: "Jodie Foster ended years of rampant media speculation when she casually came out of the closet while accepting her Cecil B. Demille award at the Golden Globes Sunday night." This was the rare exception where the Huff Post and Fox News agreed on an item. And because Fox News basically declared the same thing, you know it just couldn't be relied upon.

First off, Kiki, there is so much wrong with that sentence, the least of which is it's a bit of a run-on one and could use punctuation. If Foster came out of the closet, honeys, it was just with one gam out the door. The "L" word was not used. "The G" word was not used. Ms Foster did say, somewhere in her rambling stream of consciousness that she was "going to put it out there. Right? Loud and proud! Right?" All right, you go, girl! "I am... single!" Meek and weak! Right?

"Years of rampant media speculation" did Kiki say? Really? The most listless and sheepish "rampant media speculation" on record, perhaps!

Wearing a gown that appeared to have been supported about her shoulders with electrical tape and otherwise, vaguely, the kind of fancy frock that Xena, Warrior Princess might pick out, Ms Foster lost coherence early on but didn't let that stop her from her free-association wing-ding while holding court on the Golden Globes stage. (A bit of a run-on sentence there, myself, but I did use commas.) Images of the audience revealed jaws dropping and eyebrows arching as other celebrities tried to follow Jodie's jabber. Did she actually say she felt like a "prom boy?" And what was all that about Honey Boo-Boo and spanking Daniel Craig?

Medication is a wonderful thing if administered responsibly. Ms Foster's tragicomic monologue segued from the "single" remark to a self-righteous litany about how her life is a private one and all she really wants is the precious privacy that seemingly eludes her. This after volunteering to share something with everyone about her personal life!

As the Cecil B. Demille is a Lifetime Achievement Award, Jodie joked about turning 50 and referred to her "cleavage." Did anyone see cleavage? Ms Foster surely has a new career at the ready as an illusionist. Now you see it, now you don't. Now she's out, now she's in. Maybe it was the Cecil B. Demented Award she received for early onset Alzheimer's!

The New York Daily News also considered Jodie Foster to have come out at the Awards ceremony.

"'Contact,' 'Silence of the Lambs' actress mentions her 'modern family' and 'ex-partner in love but righteous soul sister in life' during emotional, meandering address at the 70th Golden Globes Awards in Beverly Hills," they wrote.

Ok, so did she come out? Or did she stay in? Frankly, my dears, I don't give a damn. Let her have her privacy. If only she'll stop blabbing about her personal life!