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Monday, December 1, 2014

Seven Most Fabulous Men Under My Christmas Tree 2014

Once again it's Christmastime and what can I say, everyone, but "Joyeux Noel" as I write my wish list for Monsieur Santa Baby. Any one of the men on my list this year would help to make my season bright but I'm sincerely praying for all seven! After all, Snow White had seven dwarfs. Well, ok, maybe that's only 3 1/2 men all totaled. But what matters is that I have a new list this year for something hotter than cocoa.

Even straight guys, like Jon Stewart, want a piece of Benedict Cumberbatch, the latest emerging hottie. British men tend to spoil early so it's important I snap him up now. This six-foot-tall hunk is so talented on screen in films like August: Osage County and Star Trek Into Darkness, he can beam me up anytime! If he's as talented between the sheets, I may never get out of bed. And you know just which piece of him I want most!

Director John Waters is a guilty pleasure, perhaps, at age 68. But I look up to older men, especially older men who are 6'2". I've seen this lanky guy on the streets of New York and it set my heart aflutter. You just know he'd be fun in bed and maybe just a little bit kinky, too!

T'is a wonder why Adam Lambert hasn't been on my list before. The 32-year-old tall glass of water from Indiana is the first openly gay vocalist to launch a career and become a top-charting artist. It's not his multi-octave range I want to be rocked by.

I also can't believe that CNN's Anderson Cooper wasn't on my last Christmas list. I actually rode the E train with him once, got off at the same stop (23rd St., Chelsea) and we even said hello to each other. How's that for intimacy? Looked hot in tight bluejeans, too. Another openly gay man, Andy may be more age appropriate for me and, just a couple of inches taller, more height appropriate as well. The fact that he's a Vanderbilt and an heir to that fortune has absolutely nothing to do with my loving this man. Really. Honest. I mean it. Really.

And, oh, how that Alfred Enoch from the Harry Potter films has grown up. I love watching him on How to Get Away with Murder. Especially when he's shirtless! Or does one of his steamy sex scenes on that show. Sexy chest and forearms and taut abs, the 6'1" 26-year old really knows how to perform -- as a thesp and as a soft-porn star (as that show sometimes requires) . Personally. I love that long neck and pronounced Adam's apple. It's sort of phallic.

And how has Hugh Jackman eluded me thus far? Santa, please, with speed!

Lastly, I will once again ask for Tatum Channing as I still haven't received him since my last request.

And that's my seven men for this year. Oh, sexy Santa, please bring me! Again I recant that I see non-celebrity men in my everyday life I'd love to put on my list. But I have no idea who they are. So these seven will suffice. Nicely, I think. Please dress each in a thong and tie up tidily with a bow, thank you. As for you, I'll wait up with the milk and cookies... and more. Like I did last time.

Merry Christmas to you all!

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