Toto, I Have a Feeling We're Not in San Francisco Any More!

Perhaps only Buddy Beaverhausen can fly out where the pilot announces in his Jamaican accent on the flight headed from Charlotte to NYC, "Hello, this is your captain, Donald Duque" Pronounced Duck, I kid you not. Either his parents were sadists or never watched a single Disney cartoon in their lives. Off, into the Wild Blue Yonder! Was this going to be a Mickey Mouse flight of just a little Goofy?

I went on another epic Coast-to-Coast journey and returned to Brooklyn in fine fettle except for my derriere, which arrived very numb. Who knew the hardships wrought by sitting for the large part of 6 and 1/2 hours! (And by "large part," I'm not referring to my bubble butt, thank you.)

Steve drove me to the airport in SF for 7am; my flight was at 9:15. SF security is not as intense as that in the NYC area. One needn't remove one's belt for one thing and things move along quicker with more cursory examination. I was left with plenty of time for breakfast and boarding.

I did not want to take American again after the fiasco flying out of Newark, therefore I booked my flight on SF via Phoenix via Charlotte to Brooklyn on United. I showed up at the gate with an American logo. Wouldn't you know the two airlines just merged. Buddy's lucky that way, duckies.

Nonetheless, service this time was first-rate. Now, I was left thinking about those American Airlines check-in folk when I left New York and how they were, perhaps, facing sudden lay-off, hence the "incompetent" job performances.

I was on the plane so long today, it felt like my second home. And, hey, is everyone influenced by Beaverhausen these days? When a flyer asked the stewardess nearest me, "What kind of jet is this?," the stewardess quipped ~ without missing a beat ~ "A big one. A really big one!" And no, she wasn't Pam Ann, though just as riotous! Stand-up comedy on a flight is wonderful.

I schmoozed with the people who got on to clean the cabins, took intensive interest ~ looking out my window ~ in the baggage handlers at each airport, and chatted up the flight attendants. Charlotte in Charlotte confided in me about recently returning from disability after surgery due to her diverticulitis! Not to be sniffed at. And can we get any more intimate than that on a flight? Maybe it was my groovy SF haircut that made me feel so free. Who knows!

I took a NYC cab at LGA and, at long last, I'm finally home. And oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home!