Buddy Beaverhausen's Random Thoughts: The Republican Male Candidates' Great Dick Debate

Talk loudly and carry a big stick! American politics hit a new, embarrassing low recently when Republican male candidates decided to discuss wanker size as a qualification for the Presidency!

I don't even like these guys' faces. Why would I even want to imagine their puds?! Absolutely too much information. fellas!

Though Mark Rubio began by saying he wanted this debate to be about policy issues, The Donald immediately waylaid that idea by bringing up his pocket rocket.

"Look at these hands," Trump insisted, extending and spreading out his fingers. "Are these small hands?" Well, maybe not as small as his brain or his soul, but frankly I've seen bigger and thicker. Just sayin'. Maybe The Donald should talk about ass size. There's no bigger rump than that on Trump!

Ivana, Donald's ex-wife (What's he got? A harem?). is now writing his speeches. I can just hear her advising him, "Talk about how you're hung, dahlink! Like everyt'ing else, we'll just make it up!" Have another cocktail and facelift, babooshka!

At first, I thought I'd show some class and rise above blogging about this depraved moment, but then I threw in the towel. Who was I fooling? This is perfect fodder for Buddy Beaverhausen; grist for my gossip mill!

This debate was self-satire that would be hilarious if it weren't so sad and even scary. It is an embarrassment to our nation. Let's hide the baloney in politics, shall we, boys!

Buddy Beaverhausen's Random Thoughts: Why Trump Can Never Be President

Donald Trump doesn't know the law, doesn't understand the US Constitution and, frankly, doesn't know shit from Shinola. He's an absolute loose cannon. And then there's the hair issue which is enough reason to disqualify him... not just from the Presidency but from appearing in public, generally.

He's racist, hostile to women, homophobic, ageist; already alienating a broad portion of the voting populace. In fact, he's just an overall hot mess. Need I even mention the hair-styling issue?

The Donald has said he gets his foreign policy and military advice from tv shows, displaying his deep intellect and seriousness. The Donald professes to be deeply religious, believing in the sanctity of marriage. That brings us to what I call the Wifey Problem.

The Donald has been married three times. I'm sure Ivana and Marla Maples would have some choice things to say to the press. The Donald is a cad; a philandering hubby. His female troubles are further exacerbated by his catty stance toward Fox News correspondent Megyn Kelly and, especially, Rosie O'Donnell. Remember his stand-off with Leona Helmsley, the Queen of Mean, when she found herself going to jail because of tax issues? The Donald proved he could be even meaner. Meow!

By the way, this was my own satire of Ivana, back when she was still married to The Donald:
http://djbuddybeaverhausen.blogspot.com/2015/06/gay-pride-special-i-ivana.html

The Donald's current wife recently posed provocatively to show what a sexy First Lady she'd make. Teeeeee-rash!

Fox, though very conservative and playing to the screwball Tea Party crowd, understands the damage The Donald's done to whatever credibility they might still have. He is a clown -- but more of a Stephen King scary clown -- on the world stage. All the world loves a clown, it 's been sung -- but not as President of the United States! The Donald thinks money can buy the White House. America knows better, I believe.