Buddy Beaverhausen's Random Thoughts: The Republican Male Candidates' Great Dick Debate

Talk loudly and carry a big stick! American politics hit a new, embarrassing low recently when Republican male candidates decided to discuss wanker size as a qualification for the Presidency!

I don't even like these guys' faces. Why would I even want to imagine their puds?! Absolutely too much information. fellas!

Though Mark Rubio began by saying he wanted this debate to be about policy issues, The Donald immediately waylaid that idea by bringing up his pocket rocket.

"Look at these hands," Trump insisted, extending and spreading out his fingers. "Are these small hands?" Well, maybe not as small as his brain or his soul, but frankly I've seen bigger and thicker. Just sayin'. Maybe The Donald should talk about ass size. There's no bigger rump than that on Trump!

Ivana, Donald's ex-wife (What's he got? A harem?). is now writing his speeches. I can just hear her advising him, "Talk about how you're hung, dahlink! Like everyt'ing else, we'll just make it up!" Have another cocktail and facelift, babooshka!

At first, I thought I'd show some class and rise above blogging about this depraved moment, but then I threw in the towel. Who was I fooling? This is perfect fodder for Buddy Beaverhausen; grist for my gossip mill!

This debate was self-satire that would be hilarious if it weren't so sad and even scary. It is an embarrassment to our nation. Let's hide the baloney in politics, shall we, boys!