Zeb Atlas in Discoworld

Although I consider myself egalitarian, I'm afraid I have to add the disclaimer that, when it comes to porn stars, they don't all measure up, especially when stalking into the realm of song. Andrea True certainly opened the door crooning the disco classic (and one-time "Sex & the City" theme song) "More More More" with topless model Samantha Fox and Traci Lords tramping the path to dancefloor divadom behind her. Perhaps a new trail was blazed by studly crooner Colton Ford, crossing over from the gay all-male meat market to the disco stage. And now it is none other than 6'3" Zeb Atlas who steps off the bimbo jet and onto the red carpet, only to trip over his big, clumsy feet. The difference between Colton and Zeb? Talent and a touch of elan, I'm afraid.

Colton Ford, nee Glenn Soukesian, is easily one of the handsomest of the gay-porn lot. I've passed him on the street in New York where he's still a looker (though scaled down to mortal size; no longer the amazing, colossal porn god of video fantasies). Glenn began as a professional singer but segued into adult films due to natural talents other than vocal. He quit the porn industry to return to legitimate singing as a club artist, now with his porn-star-anointed name and credentials, and all this is the subject of the documentary movie, "Naked Fame."

Zeb, on the other hand, shares no similar background. Instead, he comes from a strong physical grounding in body building, personal training, modeling and -- well, -- go-go dancing (gotta call it what it is). Not that that's a bad thing, but it gets tired when a boy hits 40.

And so the opportunity to go disco came our big guy's way with a cover of Diana Ross' "Love Hangover," a promo mix by hiNRG producer/remixer Laurent Schark coming across my desk yesterday. The problem at heart: Zeb doesn't sing, not by any standard with any amount of auto-tuning or vocoding, making our Britney sound like a blythe nightingale by comparison. So they brought in Pearly Gates (not a porn star but her name sounds like one) to do most of the showy vocals. Zeb, grunting his part as if hung over but from something other than love, would be sub-par to any construction worker pulled in half-heartedly from his day job.

Zeb can't dance, Zeb can't break a move, Zeb can't smile convincingly. Zeb can still look hot, Zeb can pose, Zeb can do the Elvis lip-curl and Zeb can still be that masochistic fantasy of superior malehood in your dreams. But don't take my word, check out the original mix in the video below (an audio production that owes a debt to the style of Ian Levine), already a YouTube and bloggers' sensation. Lady Gaga, Adele (and Diana Ross for that matter) remain unthreatened. For those of you who have claimed the music industry has become all about image, the proof is in the pudding: