Cold Mess

On an unusually leisurely mid-week morning, I went down to my friend & neighbor, Kevin's, apartment for a bite of breakfast, luvs, and two cups of java. We watched Wendy Williams' tv show. Wendy looks and sounds like RuPaul but that's not such a bad thing, necessarily. She was quite the trendy creature of fashion, I must say, in a striking black outfit courtesy of Lord & Taylor. I suppose her producers can splurge on Miss Williams' talk-show glad rags by inviting B-list people as her guests, desperate to advertise their latest commercial ventures for scraps. Today's top-billed guest: Sandra Bernhard.

Now, as a talent, I love Sandra to death. But when she showed up (late) for Wendy's interview, plugging both her gig on Hot in Cincinnati and her upcoming annual holiday show at Joe's Pub in New York December 28 through 31 (New Year's Eve Show), she looked more Halloween-appropriate. For one thing, her hair was a mess, as if she'd rolled out of bed, put on designer clothes and make-up, and stalked onto the set. For another thing -- more strikingly -- Kevin and I noticed she appeared to be missing teeth. She absolutely leered like a jack-o-lantern as she laughed and kibitzed with Wendy.

It wasn't just her trademark David Letterman-like gap. She appeared to be short of some lower teeth as well. Wendy paid no mind, however, but Kevin and I certainly did! Sandra proudly announced that her girlfriend did her hair for this appearance. But, embarrasingly, the producers signaled Wendy to ask Sandra to fix her hair while live, on the air, during her interview! Oh, my! I mean, how often are interviewees on talk shows asked to fix their appearances in the middle of a shoot? Like never?

Wendy complied with the direction. Sandra reached up and fluffed and patted the auburn rat's nest that was her coif for The Wendy Williams Show, which Wendy's producers were obviously in a tizzy over.

If I were Ms Bernhard, I'd (a) ask Santa for dental implants, and (b) stop using her gf as a hairdresser. Our Sandra might be hot in Cincinnati but, as Kevin remarked, she was a cold mess on morning tv in the rest of America.

(Off-topic p.s.: Does everyone already know that Halle Berry has 6 toes on one of her feet? E-eeww! Just heard about it. Please never wear open-toe shoes, Halle! Bleccchh!)