Thursday, January 12, 2012
Pray for Destiny's Child!
On Facebook, Joan Rivers notes: "Beyonce said that she delivered her baby naturally, which for her meant no wind machine or backup dancers."
The diva's pregnancy delayed shooting on her next film which, ironically, is the Clint Eastwood musical remake, A Star Is Born. The Golden Globe nominee was cast, due to begin filming next month. But Eastwood agreed to delay shooting until Ms Jay-Z is back to full strength. And now, apparently, a star is born, silver spoon firmly in mouth.
"As you know, megastars Jay-Z and Beyoncé spent $1.3 million to turn six rooms at Lenox Hill Hospital into two luxury suites so Beyoncé could pop out her baby in some real style," Michael Musto confided in his Village Voice column, La Dolce Musto. "If you've got money and want to spend it, be my guest. Just don't act like your wealth makes you above the law, or beyond humanity and good sense.
"The Z's ran into trouble when a Brooklyn man claimed the couple's guards prevented other people from getting to wards, waiting rooms, and even hallways in the hospital.
"If Beyoncé's having a baby, I guess no one else can! (Or if they do, you can't visit them.)
"Has celebrity entitlement gotten more annoyingly entitled than ever?"
The New York Daily News reported: "The freshly renovated 'executive' maternity digs look more like a Four Seasons spread than the drab hospital accommodations afforded most mere mortals.... Little Blue Ivy Carter came into the world with her choice of four flat-screen TVs, lushly upholstered gray and cream sofas, silken throw pillows, modern brushed-chrome accents, mahogany walls and a posh kitchenette with a gleaming tile backsplash."
How did Lenox Hill respond to that? Says the Daily News, "Lenox Hill Hospital has denied claims it constructed the five-star accommodations at Beyonce's behest, saying instead the superstar singer was simply lucky enough to be the first patient to get them." Oh, please, honeys, the next time I come down with deadly pneumonia and have to be quarantined, I'm having Dr Frank Spinelli admit me to Lenox Hill and try to get that fucking room for me, I tell you!
Now, yesterday, New York State health officials dismissed patients' complaints. Why am I not surprised to hear that? Occupy that hospital!
At the top of this post is the picture of the $13,000 plexiglas crib for baby Blue Ivy Z. (I think it's hideous, frankly.)
"The superstar couple's new child has reportedly had at least £1million spent on her in gifts and a fantasy land nursery.
"Among the treasure trove awaiting [Ivy Blue] is a solid-gold, hand-made rocking horse said to be worth £390,000... while her high chair [seen below] is worth close to £10,000 and dripping in Swarovski crystals," reports the UK's Metro.
But ya are in the highchair, Ivy, ya are! (Can't wait to see what ever happens to Baby Ivy as she grows up!)
Says Michael Musto who broke the story: "Rutanya Alda -- best known as Carol Ann in Mommie Dearest -- just told me a remarkable story. Rutanya was Mia Farrow's stand-in for the 1968 suspense classic Rosemary's Baby.
"When Mia was late to shoot a bit where she and a girlfriend go to see the Off-Broadway musical The Fantasticks, director Roman Polanski decided to start shooting with Rutanya standing in.
"Part of the scene had screen icons Joan Crawford and Van Johnson (as themselves) being spotted by Rosemary in the lobby...."
William Castle, who directed Joan in the camp classics, Straight-Jacket and I Saw What You Did (and I Know Who You Are), probably insisted on this, I'm guessing, as he was Polanski's producer and never passed by a tacky gimmick.
Musto goes on: "Remembers Rutanya: 'Joan came over to me and said, "Hello! I'm Joan Crawford!" She thought I was Mia Farrow!'
"Or maybe she just knew she'd just spotted the future Carol Ann," Michael adds in a hilarious aside.
"Another wacky mishap happened when Van Johnson first spotted Polanski, particularly his striking schnoz.
"'Who's that, Pinocchio?' quipped Johnson, completely clueless. This sent the excitable Polanski into a tizzy of horror. 'Get off my set, everybody!' he shrieked, clearing all the stars and non-stars away. Joan obliged, but not before grandly intoning, 'You should learn to have the manners of a William Castle.'"
William Castle responds: "Not sure that is how I remember it all going down...but it's Hollywood where everything and anything is possible!"
Reader comments from The Village Voice blog included "Too bad Joan was cut. When Rosemary's baby gurgled 'mommie,' Joan could have snapped 'Mommie WHAT?'"
"The real life Joan Crawford meeting the later Carol Ann is spooky. Like when Charles Manson encountered Sharon Tate months before the killings."
And "I'm sure I spotted Joan Crawford in the coven of witches when Mia Farrow gets raped."
"Name your favorite color, plant and ex-President," Ruth Buzzi Tweeted. "Those were instructions in a maternity ward last week where BLUE IVY CARTER was hatched."
OK, babies, that's it for now! Mommie needs her beauty sleep!
Below, Joan, obviously acting under the influence (but quite bejeweled, nonetheless), in William Castle's I Saw What You Did.