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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The Vampire Facelift

So, I heard from a friend about this new treatment that gives your face a lift without all that nasty, puffy botox. Not that my skin, still wrinkle-free after all these many years of debauchery, requires an uplift. Why, I don't even have crow's feet! Well, you know, black don't crack. Oh, wait a minute! I'm white. Maybe it has something to do with that portrait of Buddy Beaverhausen in the attic that is starting to look groaty to the max.

The Vampire Facelift is a trademarked name for a procedure with a US patent. And so trendy, you gotta love it!  I mean, you know how cool vampires are these days. Straight out of L.A. (the treatment, not the vampires I meant although, come to think of it, actually, both). I believe Elizabeth Bathory was onto this idea of how blood keeps the skin rejuvenated centuries ago in Hungary when she bathed in the blood of slain virgin peasant girls. (Really? They were that plentiful?) Something tells me Joan Rivers would do this if she could find enough virgins in NYC.

Thankfully, the Vampire Facelift is cruelty free. The plasma comes from your own body and works off the stem cells in your blood! The Facelift's site does mention some little thing about a filler, and I'd like to know more about that. "Filler" is not usually good. Filler is, like, shredded carrots. Hopefully not what is in this procedure.

From the official Vampire Facelift site: Although this procedure is tagged as a Vampire “facelift”, it is not a surgical face lift nor does it  create the same effect as a face lift. The procedure helps restore or enhance areas which require rejuvenation. Dermal Filler will provide more immediate results, bridging the rejuvenation effect until the PRP starts to kick in. Improvement of skin texture and tone from the PRP become apparent after about three weeks and improvement continues for the next several months as more collagen and keratin is laid under skin. The results typically last 18 months or longer. Areas of treatment include cheeks and mid-face, wrinkling around the eyes, smile lines, nasolabial fold, neck and jawline, chest, acne scarring and more. The process takes between 60-90 minutes, including the 25 minutes set aside for application of numbing ointment.

Ok, numbing ointment sounds scary. But, hey, this is the Vampire Treatment, after all! And, as we all know, you must suffer to be beautiful.

Vampire fans, let's admit it. Dracula was onto something.

1 comment:

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