Joan Rivers' Final Red Carpet

I want craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene  --  Joan Rivers, I Hate Everyone... Starting with Me, 2012.

Well, she got the red carpet Hollywood treatment today even if there was literally no red carpet, it being a funeral and all. One of the all-time Queens of Comedy was sent out in absolute style. I'm envious! How could I not be? The bitch had Howard Stern giving the eulogy! Audra McDonald came to sing "Smile"! Hugh Jackman sang the Peter Allen song, "Quiet Please, There's a Lady on the Stage." Not many funeral services are this star-studded and leave you qvelling and wanting more! In general, I cannot wait to get out and over to the reception (food, socializing, dancing and open bar).

The glamor and radiance of this funeral would make Joan proud. Barbara Walters, Whoopi and Rosie O'Donnell were there. Bernadette Peters, Tommy Tune. Alan Cumming. Diane Sawyer was there, Paul Schaffer, Donald Trump, Clive Davis! And many more luminaries of show business too numerous to mention. Today Margaret Cho wrote that Joan put the fun back in funerals.

Fans swarmed to say their goodbyes. The NYPD provided bagpipers. The NY Gay Men's Chorus sang. We were sending off royalty after all. Self-made royalty, the best.

If you have to die, sweeties, this is the way to have a funeral service. Service? Joan was putting together her last show for all the world. She asked that, instead of flowers, donations be sent to Gods Love We Deliver and other charities.

Farewell, Joanie. There's no one like you. You will be missed indeed.

Buddy Beaverhausen Remembers Joan Rivers

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents! -- Joan Rivers

In late August 2011, my mother went into the hospital for tests and possibly a simple procedure. She never came back to us. Things went badly, her kidneys began to fail, toxins traveled to all her internal organs and she ended up on life support. On October 1st that year, my brother called to tell me our mother had left us. I was devastated. I knew she'd go some day but not like that. And not at 81.

And so, Joan Rivers' passing at age 81 stirs up anew all the feelings from three years ago regarding my mom because of similar circumstances.  But I also mourn a comedy icon who I grew up with, watching her on tv since the mid-60s. I enjoyed her evolution through the years as age only made her more outrageous and audacious, especially regarding her no-holds-barred lampooning of celebrities. Nothing was sacred, ultimately, and she was as harsh on her own image and celebrity as she was on others.

In 2005, I went with my friend, Kevin, to see Joan live at a small, intimate, underground East Village club, Fez. "Here's where I'm at in my career right now," said Joan for her opening. "An old Jew having to work in a club named FEZ!" Her routine was brilliant and absolutely fearless. There were no sacred cows.

"I've been working for God's Love We Deliver for many years. Once I week, I deliver food to people with AIDS who need the assistance. Used to be if you had AIDS, you didn't live all that long. But with today's drugs, people go on forever. I've been schlepping food to this one guy's apartment on a 5th floor walk-up for over a decade! It's like, Die already!" Yes, she went there and the packed club full of gay fans went wild. As I recall, 9/11 humor was also on the night's menu.

But there was a backlash to Joan's black comedy by people who, in my opinion, want to hold comics accountable for being politically correct. That wasn't Joan. Her credo was much like Bette Midler's: "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." And, as I often say, "What good is comedy if it doesn't offend everyone?"

Joan's connection with the LGBT community was strong. She was an AIDS activist, she loved and catered to her adoring gay fans, and her campy sense of glamor appealed to them. Her frequent facelifts were a joke that even she appreciated, but she had a sense of undeniable divahood and didn't care when people criticized her for going under the knife because she was NOT growing old gracefully by any means.

I read her books (I Hate Everyone (Starting with Myself) was my fave but her last, Diary of a Mad Diva was also very good http://djbuddybeaverhausen.blogspot.com/2014/07/joan-rivers-diva-diary.html). I highly recommend the warts-and-all movie documentary, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work.

I must say, my co-worker, Trisa, took news of Rivers' death hard. Trisa has bought several fabulous fashions (clothing and costume jewelry that are quite attractive) from the Joan Rivers collection and watched her faithfully on Fashion Police.

One of my favorite Joan Rivers memories has to be the interview on her afternoon talk show with Leona Helmsley, who, at that time, was going through the whole tax scandal and facing jail time (albeit in a "country club" prison). Leona whined about her treatment by the press. She added something to the effect of "It's not like I murdered anyone!"

Irrepressible, Joan burst out gleefully: "Well, we don't know yet! They haven't looked through all your closets!"

The Queen of Mean was not amused.

RIP, Joan Rivers, who combined the comic joy of Robin Williams with the old-school glamor of Lauren Bacall. I thought you'd go on forever like the Energizer Bunny of comedy. You are missed but never forgotten.

Joan Rivers' Diva Diary

Joan Rivers is as skilled a comic writer of one-liners as she is a stand-up comedian. Diary of a Mad Diva, the latest effort from her nibs (released July 1 from Penguin Press), may be hit-and-miss but when its outrageous humor is on-target, it's hilarious.

Isn't Joan's comedy a little bitchy you may ask, which would basically be like wondering if Michele Bachmann's political point-of-view isn't a little kooky. Joan is absolutely and fearlessly iconoclastic in her monologues and on the printed page. Nothing and no one is sacred to our Joanie. Not Jesus Christ, not Anne Frank, not nobody; not even Joan herself or her daughter, Melissa! She is an equal-opportunity offender and the embodiment of bad taste. Still, when she's on a roll, she's usually a laugh riot.

Joan pulled herself up from a career abyss and from personal misfortune. She's currently a true survivor and an industry. She still tours with her act, she has her cable show, her own line of women's clothing and, finally, she's a best-selling author. I'm not sure that Mad Diva tops her last book, I Hate Everybody (Starting with Myself) but it certainly tries. Maybe a tad too hard at times.

At 81, a comic since 1959 (who has influenced generations of stand-up women in the business), Rivers is virtually untouchable and has earned the right to say whatever she wants. She's as tough on herself as she is on other members of the rich and famous.

Her intro to the new book reads: "Some of the events may not be 100 percent... or even 5 per cent factually correct. Miss Rivers is, after all, 235 years old, and frequently mistakes her daughter, Melissa, for the actor Laurence Fishburne."

With her idea of blind items, entries like "Which five-foot-seven Scientologist was seen standing on a box trying on a muumuu in Forgotten Woman?" and "Which blonde British singer stopped rolling in the deep long enough to break into a Dunkin' Donuts in desperate need of a fix?", Rivers demonstrates throughout Diary of a Mad Diva why she is a national treasure and forever at the cutting edge. God Save the Diva! Now, go buy her book.

The Goodbye Girl and 1,000 Gowns

The annual event, Night of 1,000 Gowns, today announced on its Facebook page: "BREAKING NEWS!! Oscar-nominated Actress, Marsha Mason (i.e. Good-Bye Girl, Chapter Two, Heartbreak Ridge...etc.) has agreed to serve along side Cyndi Lauper & Joan Rivers as Honorary Chairperson for the 28th Annual Night of a Thousand Gowns on March 29, 2014!"

That will be one powerful triumvirate of divas guesting, let me tell you, people! And this event is a charity gala that will benefit God's Love We Deliver and the True Colors Fund as well.

Ms Mason, who has a distinguished career in theater and was once married to playwright  Neil Simon, is also an Oscar-nominated actress for her roles in "Cinderella Liberty" and "The Goodbye Girl." She has guested on tv shows, including Seinfeld, Frasier, Will & Grace and Lipstick Jungle.

"Their Most Imperial Sovereign Majesties Emperor XXII Wen-D Bouvier Pinkhouse and Empress XXVII Gracie Steeles and the membership of the Imperial Court of New York cordially invite you to the most lavish, glamorous, outrageous event in New York City!" declares Night of 1,000 Gowns of this year's event. It will take place on Saturday, March 29, 2014, from 6 PM to midnight at The Marriott Marquis in Time Square, NYC.

The event is known as a dressy one for the largely LGBT crowd. "Creative Formal, Black Tie Festive, or Dress Uniform" is their dress code.

Press for the event adds: "Marsha will be in attendance, so come out & celebrate with us! Buy your tickets now! Great seats seats are still available (You choose them) Go to: www.icny.tix.com — at Night of a Thousand Gowns."

Joan Rivers vs. Lady Gaga

La Ga told Kelly Osbourne to "stop being negative" on tv's Fashion Police. Well, the show's star, Joan Rivers, wasn't having it, honeys!

Joan told Huffington Post: "I think this will hurt Gaga a little in the long term. It's brought up again the fact she loves animals and wears fur," says Joan. "'Fashion Police' is funny. Gaga, of all people, should know that. She worked the same little clubs I did in the Village. She has gay followers and she doesn't know funny? For God's sake, calm down. I think that Gaga, who is making hundreds of millions of dollars a year, with a bad nose, should get on her knees and thank God.”

Said the show's executive producer, Melissa Rivers (Joan's daughter):  "I'm disappointed. We are all in the entertainment business. When people say our show bullies people, I get very annoyed. Our show is about fashion and comedy. No one is saying someone is a bad person. When they make millions of dollars a picture and we don't like one of the dresses they get for free, lighten up. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Kelly is such a love. When she called me yesterday, I told her not to answer back to Gaga. I love the fact her mom, Sharon, spoke out. Gaga has so much power and is such an icon and can flip a switch and have everyone turn on someone -- that's the ultimate mean girl."

Joan just posted on Facebook that Lady Gaga's make-up for ArtPop looks as if it was applied by "Michael J. Fox during an earthquake."

"Because of Gaga's contribution to fashion, I'm sitting in herring panties," Joan added.

Beaverhausen's Divas: Week in Focus

Happy Passover and Easter, everyone! Like Joan Rivers, I'm celebrating both Spring holidays by dying matzoh. And by looking back over this past week in divadom!

Yoko Ono, 80, continued her club diva reign as "Hold Me," redesigned by Dave Aude, rose to #3 on the Billboard Dance chart (and she appears to be upwardly mobile).  Crystal Waters' "Mama Say" (best club tune in months) is sitting pretty at #13, after claiming the #1 Dance/Club position two weeks ago. Meanwhile, Christina Aguilera's "Let There Be Love" nudged into the chart at #21, looking like it has legs fit for climbing.

Divas Mariah Carey and Lady Gaga had birthdays over the past week. And Ms Dionne Warwick is broke, owing the Feds USD$10 million! While most of us are envious because we wish we made enough to owe the IRS that kind of bread, Ms Warwick was at least able to become a tabloid darling, grabbing headlines once more.

Oh, la publicite! La publicite!

Bette on Broadway? Joan & Mario on TV.

Now that Barry Manilow's coming to Broadway, can Bette Midler be far behind? The producer of Priscilla is considering coming to the Great White Way in a drama.

Says Broadway.com: "The divine Bette Midler hasn’t been on Broadway since 1979, but all that could change if one Tony Award-winning playwright gets his way.

"John Logan, who won the 2010 Tony for Best Play for his drama Red, is reportedly hoping that Midler will star in his upcoming one-woman show about Hollywood talent agent Sue Mengers....

"Mengers, who died last year, was a major power player in Hollywood at the height of her career. Between the ‘60s and the early ‘80s, Mengers represented a number of A-list clients, including Bob Fosse, Barbra Streisand, Candice Bergen, Michael Caine, Joan Collins, Faye Dunaway, Burt Reynolds, Gore Vidal, Mike Nichols, Steve McQueen and Cher.

"Sources close to Midler say that she has expressed interest in the play, primarily because 'a one-person show isn’t as risky as shouldering a big musical.' Midler last appeared on Broadway in 1979’s Bette! Divine Madness...."

Bette will soon be hosting her now-legendary, annual Halloween costume party in New York City, benefiting  The New York Restoration Project for city parks.

And can anything be gayer than the new Old Navy tv ads featuring Joan Rivers and Mario Cantone, now being shown in the US? Seems the clothing chain knows its demographics very well. In case you haven't seen it, I'm posting it below:

Sandra Bernhard Takes on Sarah Jessica Parker, "Sex in the City," Joan Rivers, Kathy Griffin

Sandra Berhard shoots from the hip. She isn't afraid to tell it like she sees it, that's for sure! But, sometimes, there may be a sense of bitterness in her attacks. Judge for yourself in her appearance today on Howard Stern.



Michael Musto commented: "On Howard Stern's show, mouthy comic Sandra Bernhard admitted that she turned down the role of Miranda on Sex and the City.

Batshit crazy?

No, hold on people, hear out her reasons.

For one thing, she says, the script was absolutely horrible.

Secondly, they were only paying $7,500 a week.

And what's more, 'To play third or fourth fiddle to Sarah Jessica Parker and put up with her shit?'

Nyah-uh.

But Cynthia Nixon decided it would be a good move, famously enough.

I guess she considered it a choice."

Only $30K/mo.? I should have auditioned!

Below, she disses other divas in her painfully honest, no-holds-barred manner.